UPTOWN ESCAPADES: Diary of a Sexagenarian


Entry Two (A)

Today is the day and I’m spoiling for a fight! As planned Sisi Gengeto and Iya-ngba-life have joined me for the mission, but Mama de Mama is unavoidably absent. Although she will be missed, we will not allow Mama de Mama’s absence alter any of our plans. I want you to note dear reader, that all happenings will be recorded in real-time (i.e as events unfold) because I don’t want you to miss a thing. So, sit tight!


We arrived at the venue a few minutes ago and made ourselves comfortable. I have already received questioning glances from other guests because of my constant scribbling but I don’t care. The mission at hand is the only thing that concerns me. Speaking of which, everyone is waiting for the baby’s name to be announced and this means that the stage is already set for what we have in mind.

I must give it to Zaid, though- he does know how to throw a party. Or perhaps the credit should go to the event planners/organizers whom I am pretty sure he hired. The decorations that adorned the hall oozed class and elegance plus there was enough food and drinks to feed an army.

“Waiter! I need a plate here please.”

I shook my head as Sisi Gengeto signalled to a waiter carrying a large tray filled with ‘small chops’. “Sisi! Remember we are not here for food o.”

Abeg leave that one ojere! Is it not food that will fuel these old bones so that I can perform optimally?” Sisi said as she popped a ball of puff-puff into her mouth. I swallowed hard as Sisi attacked the food with gusto. Holding on to my resolve of ‘fasting’ was going to be harder than I thought.

“Preach it sister” Iya-ngba-life high-fived Sisi. “But come o, ‘Sewa. This party is not rocking ke. No music ni?”

I stared at her reproachfully. “How many times do I have to tell you that music is haraam in Islam. Don’t tell me you still listen to those old records you have at home?”

Ah. You know it’s hard to break such habits, ‘Sewa.” She whined.

I opened my mouth to respond but stopped short when I spotted Zaid prancing around like a peacock. A young lady in jilbaab whom I assumed to be his new wife and an elderly woman carrying a baby followed behind.

“Look! There’s our target over there by the MC.” I said and nudged Sisi in the ribs.

Otiya ngba na, Let’s go!” Sisi got rid of her now empty plate and hastened toward Zaid. Iya-ngba-life and I followed suit. We marched right up to Zaid and Sisi tapped him roughly on the shoulder. I would have to remind her later that touching the opposite sex was inappropriate in Islam.

“Hey you, Mr Oninawo. Kojusibi, we would like to have a word with you.”

Zaid turned around with a frown and a bewildered look on his face. His gaze moved from Iya-ngba-life’s heavily made up face to Sisi’s tall and wiry frame until it finally rested on me (and my pointed gele). If you thought that his frown deepened when he set eyes on me, you guessed correctly.

“Yes, Iya Ile Ookan. How may I help you?” He said, without masking the disdain from his voice.

Since his question was directed at me, I spoke up:

“We wanted to speak with you about Sumayyah and what you did to her.”

Zaid folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. “And what exactly are you accusing me of?”

“Ehn? You want to feign ignorance, right? So, you think you deserve happiness after you almost destroyed the life of that poor girl abi?!” Sisi almost stuck her finger into Zaid’s eye.

Iya-ngba-life circled round Zaid, like a lion sizing up its prey. Did I mention that Iya-ngba-life is almost 6feet tall and has the physique of a Sumo wrestler?

“Subhanallah! What is the meaning of this?” Zaid’s eyes flashed in anger. “Why are you harassing me?”

Farabale, don’t get worked up just yet. Today, you will answer for every single crime you committed against Sumayyah.” My voice was calm, but I could feel the adrenaline pounding through my veins. I maintained eye contact with Zaid and I could see the rage burning in his eyes. In fact, it radiated from his entire body. It didn’t move me one bit.

“Mrs Badmus, is that you?” said a voice from behind me.

I spun around and came face to face with Sumayyah.

Leave a Reply