THE CHAMELEON , THE DRUNK AND THE FOOL

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

In Farah’s living room. 

Farah and her daughter Mimi (Maymoonah) are getting ready to leave for her daughter’s school. The room is not furnished simply, with well-worn leather couches, a centre table and an old-fashioned 40-inch TV set standing on a cabinet. The walls of the house are unpainted and the ceiling is untextured.  It is obvious that the house is being completed bit by bit. Mimi’s school items on the floor contrast sharply with the surroundings. Her boxes are all luxury travel bag sets. Everything matched: her backpack, pencil case even her phone case. 

Farah

(Riffling through each bag)

“Do you have your toothpaste?”  (Mimi nods) “Ok. What about your text books and foodstuffs?” 

Mimi

(Sounding exasperated)

“Mummy! You’ve checked a million times. I have everything. If we don’t leave now, I will surely be late to school.”

Farah
(Smiles at Mimi’s tone)

“Alright. I just wanted to make sure. Now take care of yourself and keep…”

Mimi

(Mimicking her mum’s voice)
“…your money, food, phone and pocket money safe. I will send airtime to your phone every week so you can call regularly. Be a good girl and remember the daughter of whom you are.” (She gives  her mum a mock salute) “Did I say everything or you have something else to add?”

 

Farah
(Shakes her head, smiling)
“No dear. Just remember the daughter of whom you are.  Everything I do is for you. I want you to have the best that life has to offer and I know in time you will make me proud.”

 

Mimi

(Gives her mum a tight hug)

“Mum, I appreciate everything, truly. But isn’t this a bit too much? You changed all of my bags and wardrobe last term. You have changed it again this term. You have upgraded my phone to an iPhone and the food you have given me is stuff we only ever dream of eating at home. I have told you it’s not necessary mummy. I am not going to school to impress anybody…”

 

Farah
(Looks her daughter square in the eye)

“That’s where you are wrong. See, I changed all your wardrobe and stuff because I noticed many things when I visited your school last. Don’t you know your school? The best boarding school in the country where the kids of the elite attend! Who knows what lifetime connections you will be able to make? Me, I don’t want anybody to bully or harass my dear daughter because of your background o.”

 

Mimi

(Rolls her eyes)

“I am thirteen years old mum. I am a big girl! No one can bully me. Besides, I am content with what I have…”

 

Farah

(Interrupts Mimi)

“Nevertheless, you will blend in with these kids so they can’t tell the difference, okay?” Now, let’s get going so you don’t miss our flight. Mr Andrew will be waiting at the airport to pick us up and take us to your school.

 

Mimi

(Sighing)

“Mummy, I know these tickets cost an arm and a leg. I told you I love travelling by road. It would have been cheaper and you wouldn’t have to take the bus back alone…”

 

Farah

“That’s enough. I am not complaining, am I?  (She picks up one of the boxes and proceeds to wheel it out and gestures to Mimi to do the same.) “Let’s get going.”

 

Mimi

(Looking sad.)

“And I would have loved to see Dad before leaving o. He didn’t come home throughout my holiday. And he didn’t pick up my call or reply to any of my texts. Did you guys fight again?”

 

Farah

(Hissing under her breath)

“No, we didn’t. He must be busy, you know he went on one of his business trips. (She smiles.) “Don’t worry. I will ask him to call you as soon as he gets back okay?” (Mimi nods and they leave the house.

 

………..

 

ACT I

SCENE TWO

A week later. Farah is sitting in an office hoping a negotiate a catering contract with a client, the owner of a small firm.

 

CEO

(Looking pleased)

“Madam Farah, I like your portfolio. I must admit I am pleased since you came highly recommended by my friend.”

 

Farah

(Smiles, bowing modestly)

“Thank you ma’am.”

 

CEO

(Shifts uncomfortably in her seat and her smile falters.)

However, I don’t think I can award you the job. You see, as a widow, I prefer to empower women who are facing the same struggles as I faced years back when I lost my husband. These women are my priority.”

 

Farah

(To herself)

‘Oh God, what do I do now? Mimi’s school expenses have left a dent in my pocket and I need to replenish ASAP.’ (A thought occurred to her then) ‘In theory, I could be one of the women she’s looking for, seeing as Isma’il rarely steps up to his responsibilities.’ (She resolves to tell the CEO she is a widow. Schooling her expression into one of sorrow, she starts to sob quietly.)

 

CEO

(Startled.)

Madam, what’s the matter?”

 

Farah

(Sniffing.)

“I-I didn’t want to mention it before, but I am a widow. My husband passed almost two years ago.”

 

CEO

(Eyeing her suspiciously)

“Really? My friend, whom you have been supplying did not mention this.”

 

Farah

“Oh, that’s because I didn’t tell her. I never mentioned it because I didn’t anyone to pity me. I always want to get a job purely on merit not because of my circumstances.”

 

CEO

(Nods)

I understand. And it’s a good thing that you know your onions and you are a fit for what we are looking for at our firm. (She extends her arm to Farah) “Wipe your tears, Madam. You have the job. I look forward to what you have in store for us.”

 

Farah
(Sighs in relief)

“Thank you ma’am. I promise to deliver premium quality meals that your company will love.”

 

CEO

“Good, that’s what I want to hear. Now let’s hash out the fine details…”

 

……..

 

ACT I

SCENE THREE

 

In the kitchen at Bilaal and Huda’s residence.

 

 

Huda 

(Humming a tune under her breath)

“Muazzin, how far? I am almost done o. Se you won’t miss this bus bayi?”

 

Bilaal.

“I’m ready! (Enters the kitchen, while buttoning his shirt. He walks up to his wife and gives her a peck on the cheek.) “Smells good. In fact I might finish it before we reach the island o.” (He tries to steal a piece of meat from the pot)

 

Huda

(Slaps his hand gently, Bilaal gasps in mock surprise and starts to tickle Huda. They both start laughing and run out of the kitchen.) “Stop jo. See now, your baby is tired and wants to rest.” (They are in the bedroom now, so she settles herself into the bed.) “That means you will have to finish up and pack the rest yourself. (She eyes Bilaal playfully) I suppose that was your plan all along, abi? So that you can steal as many pieces of  meat as possible.”

 

Bilaal

(Places his hands on his chest) 

“You wound me, dear wife. How can you accuse me of such?” (He stands next to her and then settles her into the bed properly.) But seriously though, put your feet up and rest Huda. You’ve done enough. I will finish up and make it in time to catch the bus before it leaves, okay?”

 

Huda.

(Whining)

“Muazzin you know I will miss you. Can’t I come and stay with you over there?”

 

Bilaal

(Laughs good-naturedly. He replies gently)

“We’ve been through this, my love. That place ehn, it’s not for you at all. You know I am squatting with four other brothers for a fraction of the cost. Don’t worry in no time, Friday will come and we’ll be together again.” (Huda lifts her shoulder to her cheek in mock annoyance. Bilaal smiles and tickles her until she laughs again) 

 

Huda.

(Still laughing)

“Alright. You win. But only because you helped me with all the shopping o ehen”

 

Bilaal.

Jazaakumullahu khayran dear. Wallahi, I am always grateful Allah blessed me with a wife as understanding as you. By Allah, I promise to make it up to you a hundredfold.”

 

Huda

“Yes o! Trip to Hajj and mansions abi?

 

Bilaal

“Anything you want darling. Your wish will be my command. Just continue to pray that Allah should bless my hustle.”

 

Huda.

(Raises her hands in du’a)

“May Allah bless my dear Muazzin with the good of this life and the hereafter. May all his strivings for our family be multiplied a thousandfold. Yaa Allah, please protect him from the machinations of the evil jinns and men.”

 

Bilaal

Aamen yaa Rabb. I pray the same for my sweetheart as well. May Allah keep you safe for me and continue to guide you. May you deliver our baby with ease and in good health. A gbo ohun iya ati ti omo o*

 

Huda

Aamen. I pray we don’t get any surprises while you are away though.

 

Bilaal.

Biidhnillah we won’t. We are in the middle of your sixth month now. EDD is still far away.

 

Huda

(Nodding and yawning)

And you will start your leave soon.

 

Bilaal

(Chuckling)

Exactly! Now I will help you arrange all the groceries I bought. Also, the fuel is already outside and I have filled the Gen…

(As the lights dim, Bilaal continues his instructions but Huda has already fallen asleep. Curtain.)

* A gbo ohun iya ati ti omo o: A Yoruba prayer seeking heath and well being for mother and child