UPTOWN ESCAPADES: Diary of a Sexagenarian


Entry Three

Assalamu alaykum awesome reader. It’s been a while since the incident at the ‘aqeeqah and I realise that things didn’t go as planned. Something I did right however was revisiting my terms of friendship with those old crones. No one wants to stick around with disloyal people. We three are cool now though, but with the understanding that it’s ride or die, no matter what.

Remember that tall man, Sabeel, whom Sumayyah gave ‘The Eye’? Well, I found out some juicy tidbits about him. It just so happens that his daughter attends the same school as Sisi’s grand-daughter. And the best part? Both girls are in the SAME CLASS. Amazing stuff, that! The gang is thinking about ‘recruiting’ Sisi’s granddaughter, you know for first-hand, unfiltered info, but we’re not fully decided yet. I’ll be sure to let you know how that turns out.

After extracting a promise from me to keep away from his family, Zaid assured me he wouldn’t mention our ill-fated encounter to Imaam Zakariyyah. He’s kept his side of bargain, because Imaam has not said anything to me so far. I’ve also kept a low profile, Alhamdulillah and nothing worth documenting has occurred since the ‘aqeeqah.

However, last Friday after Jumu’ah everything changed. My patience was
tested. The cloak of indifference I had donned was stripped away in a heartbeat and I had to break my vow of silence. Here’s what happened.

As is the practice at Al-Bayyinah masjid (The neighbourhood mosque), a lecture is held by women for women after the Jumu’ah prayers. I have always stayed behind for this gathering since Imaam Zakariyyah invited me for the first time. Maa shaa Allah I have learned a lot about my deen, most of which I wish I had known when I was younger.

So, the lecture was on Solah and its conditions and everyone was having a spiritually uplifting time. At least I was. I made mental notes on all the things I was doing wrong and pledged to fix them. Everything was going well until the lecturer started talking about the garments acceptable for solah. She said Allah would never accept the prayer of a woman who didn’t wear the correct hijab and worse the offender was going to hell. Her eyes were fixed right at me all the time she was saying this.

Dear reader let me just point out here that I recognised the lecturer. Her name is Sa’eedah and I had a row with her mother a few months ago after I caught her cheating and told her husband. What? I only reported what I saw. Her parents are back together now, but the whole family holds a grudge against me (Beats me why). Perhaps I shall tell you all about it some other time. Perhaps I shall not.

Anyway, I chanced a glance around the room and yes you guessed it. Yours truly was the only ‘offender’ in the room. So, I adjusted my gele and Iborun (scarf) and raised my hand to ask a question.

“Thank you for the lecture. Does your mother wear the correct hijab?” I asked.

“No.” Sa’eedah shook her head.

“What about your grandma, aunt or any other female relative?”

“No. What exactly is your point, Iya ile Ookan?” It was obvious that Sa’eedah was getting irritated.

The smile on my lips broadened. “So, would it be safe to say that all of them would be joining me in hell fire, right?”

And that was the moment when all hell broke loose…








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