WITH STARS IN HER EYES
3 – a seat at the table
#unedited
“Oya, small girl. Buy more drinks for us now? I am thirsty” Ibraheem punctuated his playful request by nudging his big sister in the ribs.
“Ah ahn, iru Arifin wo niyen? What kind of disrespect is that?” Mrs Adeoye was surprised.
“Mummy, see my life outside o,” Hajar shook her head at his audacity although she was smiling.
“See ehn, mummy, today our roles are reversed o, as I am her mahram for the day so she should take care of me.”
“So, going by this logic, you’re my daddy too for today abi, since you are my mahram as well?” Mrs Adeoye asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.
“No, mummy, I didn’t say that o. That rule is special, and it only applies to sis Hajar.”
Hajar held out her purse. “You are not serious, I.B. Oya come and put your hand inside my purse and take the money. See if I don’t knock you on the head.”
Ibraheem attempted to take the purse and Hajar hit him playfully with it. Everyone laughed, including the driver of the Sienna they had chartered to take Hajar to school. They had loaded the car with Hajar’s luggage and set out as early as 7 am. Her stepmum had insisted on coming along, stating that she refused to be an irresponsible parent who would not care how her eldest daughter fared at school. Mrs Adeoye had also insisted on paying all the fees, but Hajar had anticipated that move and beat her to it.
“Use the money for my siblings’ school fees.” Hajar had told her gently.
Her stepmum had thanked and prayed for her, but asked to at least pay for her accommodation. She was resolute on that point and refused to take no for an answer. So, they reached a compromise and Hajar accepted the accommodation fee.
“Mummy, tell me again, how did Daddy agree to you both coming along?”
“I told him exactly where we were going o. He said he doesn’t care, we should go.” Hajar’s mum said with a shrug
“I carried him along every step of the way, yet he refused to reply.
“O ni je ki o su e ni o. Please continue contacting him. Allah will soften his heart. Remember you are doing all this to earn His ultimate reward.” Mrs Adeoye squeezed Hajar’s arm in support. She understood how much her husband’s actions affected Hajar. “Your father is proud of you, you know. He is just too stubborn to admit it.”
Hajar doubted that. Her father had sold her as a bride, not caring whether she lived, completed her education or even pursued her dreams. She forgave him for that and tried to make her marriage work. She had failed. After the divorce, her father disowned her and refused to listen to her side of the story. Hajar forgave him again and continued to contact him by sending pleas that fell on deaf ears.
If not for Allah’s sake and the fact that he was her father, she’d probably have given up.
It was silent in the car afterwards, with Hajar looking out the window and daydreaming about the new journey she was about to embark on. She was excited and apprehensive at the same time. The past few months had lent a sort of predictability to her life and not knowing what she was gojng to face at University scared her a little.
“Ya Allah, guide and protect me,” Hajar whispered into the wind.
………..
The breeze from the window and the gentle hum of the car engine started soothed Hajar in a way and she placed her head on the window, almost drifting into slumber when she felt a tap on her shoulder.
“Look at your brother,” Mrs Adeoye said with a c.
Their mahram was already fast asleep and snoring softly, with his neck at an uncomfortable angle on the headrest.
Both women shared a look before bursting into a fit of giggles. Hajar knew I.B would deny ever snoring later, so she took out her phone and began making a short video.
“Really, Abike?” A pointed look between Hajar and the sleeping I.B accompanied Mrs Adeoye’s question.
Hajar smiled cheekily and winked. “Ah, don’t worry mummy, it’s all in good faith and necessary for future reference.”
“Agbaya nie.” Mrs Adeoye said with a smile and shake of her head.
Hajar saved the video and they continued the journey in silence until Hajar fell asleep on her stepmum’s shoulder.
*******
The travellers made good time despite the deplorable state of the road. They arrived at the University guest house around noon. After unloading the luggage and sending off the driver, Hajar asked her stepmum and brother to rest while she set off in a taxi to the University Campus. She hoped to get a few things done before the close of work.
The sun was still blazing hot when Hajar alighted from the cab in front of the university gates. She took a deep breath, and exhaled through her mouth, trying to calm her racing heart. She could hardly believe that she was standing in front of a higher institution, having lost all hope of ever attending one.
During her doomed marriage, whenever she brought up the issue of resuming school, Siddiq would laugh at her in a patronising manner and say:
“Don’t worry your pretty head. If you manage to get one pregnancy right, I will sponsor your education to whichever level you desire.”
She had learnt quickly to stop asking when the miscarriages kept occurring.
Now, a large sign on the gates welcoming her to school, and her ears were swamped with the music of students talking and laughing as well as the honking of cars and the calls of street vendors selling snacks and cold drinks.
Everything she was experiencing felt overwhelming and amazing at the same time.
With a grateful sigh, Hajar sent a du’a of gratitude to Allah for seeing her thus far.
She rubbed her sweaty palms against her skirt and urged her feet forward through the campus gates.
After asking for directions, Hajar found the Faculty of Agriculture. Hajar’s heart did a small somersault in her chest at the sight that met her. Everywhere she looked there was an enormous crowd of fellow freshers/jambites, either standing in several queues where they shoved and pushed one another for space or hurrying with determined steps towards various destinations. Many of them carried bulging files filled with documents under their armpits or in their hands.
This last bit caused Hajar to look down at her own backpack where she had kept her documents. The semi-full bag paled in comparison to the fat files she’d seen her colleagues carrying. She felt criminally underprepared and was convinced that she must have forgotten to bring something important.
Despite this feeling, Hajar continued to ask for directions until she many minutes of asking for directions yet again, she arrived at her destination: the Department of Food Science.
Hajar joined the long queue filled with trepidation. Thoughts like:
Am I good enough?
Will I be able to cope?
Do I really deserve to be here?
Will I fit in?
Will I be sent back for being unprepared?
They all look so young!
That last thought was the worst because the sum of all her experiences made her feel so old, compared to all these fresh faces she was looking at.
Hajar reigned herself in with her stepmum’s advice: Drown out the noise and Focus.
And that’s what she did. However, she couldn’t help but overhear snippets of conversations all around her: someone had forgotten a required document, another complained about the long wait, and a few laughed about their future lecturers. She adjusted the strap of her backpack, doing a mental check of all the documents she had on hand and praying she had everything.
After a long while, Hajar made it to the front of the queue. She was attended to by a bored-looking woman who checked all her documents one by one. When the woman nodded and declared that she they were complete, Hajar almost fainted in happiness.
Without wasting time, the woman started dishing instructions.
“Sign this form at that office. Make 50 thousand photocopies of that form and submit it to xyz office. Fill out this verification form and affix 100 passport photos etc.”
Hajar’s brain buzzed with trying to keep up with all the instructions but she looked forward to the challenge. She knew she would never be able to finish her registration today, but this was a start. She thanked the woman and made her way back to the Guest house, resolving to start the process the next day.
© 2025
Hafsah bint Nurein
